This is a story of friendship, and the principles behind the story, taken from the book, "The Ultimate Gift" by Jim Stovall (ISBN: 1434799906). Friends Gus and Red were getting started in the cattle business in Texas. These two friends had ranches several miles apart but they and several other ranchers all shared the same range.
Each spring, all the ranchers would have what they call a roundup, which involved collecting and branding all of the new calves which had been born since the last roundup. The young calves simply follow their mothers wherever they go, so as the cattle are collected, representatives from each ranch are present to brand each new calf with the same brand as its mother's.
Gus was concerned that Red wasn't going to make it as a rancher. So, during the roundup one year, Gus simply branded about thirty of the calves that should have been his own with Red's brand. But at the end of the roundup, when Gus performed his tally, he found that instead of being thirty calves short, as he thought he should, he actually had almost fifty more than he started with.
Gus was confused about that incident until many years later, while he and Red were on a fishing trip. Red told Gus that when they got started, he had been worried about Gus making it in the business and had actually branded a bunch of his calves with Gus' brand.
This friendship story illustrates the Law of Love which is a principle behind the power of relationships. We are predisposed to trust and cooperate with others.
Research on empathy, compassion, and altruism shows that when we encounter the pain or suffering of another, we are wired not only to feel their distress but also to reach out to help relieve it. Relationships between people or institutions are based on exchange in which all parties have a mutual understanding of their rights and obligations.
Relations between members of an immediate family or between spouses are based on obligations such as obedience or respect. Relations can be forged through gifts or personal favors and bring with them obligations and expectations.
For every action, something is expected in return.
Those who do favors are highly esteemed; they are recognized as people who have respect for those around them. Every previous or current situation produces expectations for future behavior on the part of the giver and gift recipient.
"One of the most potent of the weapons of influence around us is the rule for reciprocation. The rule says that we should try to repay, in kind, what another person has provided us." Robert B. Cialdini, author of The Psychology of Persuasion (William Morrow, 1993)
In Wayne Baker's business bestseller, "Achieving Success Through Social Capital" (Jossey-Bass), this rule of relationships in the workplace is described as the "law of reciprocity."
The law of reciprocity is not what can best be described as 'transactional reciprocity'.
Baker says that, "Many people conceive of their business dealings as spot market exchanges--value given for value received, period. Nothing more, nothing less. This tit-for-tat mode of operation can produce success, but it doesn't invoke the power of reciprocity and so fails to yield extraordinary success."
Baker explains, "The lesson is that we cannot pursue the power of reciprocity. When we try to invoke reciprocity directly, we lose sight of the reason for it: helping others. Paradoxically, it is in helping others without expecting reciprocity in return that we invoke the power of reciprocity. The path to reciprocity is indirect: reciprocity ensues from the social capital built by making contributions to others.
The deliberate pursuit of reciprocity fails, just like the pursuit of happiness.
Acts of contribution, big and small, build your fund of social capital, creating a vast network of reciprocity. And so those who help you may not be those you help. The help you receive may come from distant corners of your network."
For more on the Law of Reciprocity, go to: www.LawofReciprocity.com
