In a stressful encounter, you may have less than two minutes to gain control and salvage the situation.
Mark Goulston M.D.: Just Listen: Discover the Secret to Getting Through to Absolutely Anyone
Goulston recommends a five-step mental process, whether you’re dealing with a fender-bender, enraged teenager or work situation:
1. “Oh, F#@&!” (Reaction Phase): “This is a disaster. I’m screwed. It’s all over.”
2. “Oh, God!” (Release Phase): “This is a huge mess. I’m stuck with it. Why me?”
3. “Oh, Jeez!” (Re-Center Phase): “I can fix this, but it’s not going to be fun.”
4. “Oh, Well…” (Refocus Stage): “I’m not going to let this ruin my career/day/relationship. Here’s what I need to do right now to make it better.”
5. “OK.” (Reengage Phase): “OK, I’m ready to fix this. Let’s go.”
Many of us don’t listen well, especially when it comes to the people we deal with each day. We think we already know what they’re going to say.
When we size people up instantly, we form some pretty good first impressions. The problem is, these impressions last forever, and many are a jumbled mix of fact, fiction, prejudice and unconscious intuitions.
We use filters to put people in mental boxes before we really know them:
- Gender (and all the stereotypes that go with it...)
- Generation (age)
- Ethnic background (names, skin color, etc.)
- Education (level, manner of speaking)
- Looks (dress, hair, body size,)
Check your filters, and examine how well you truly hear what someone is saying.