Coaching Tip: The Leadership Blog

Leadership at Home is the Foundation for Leading at Work

A sea of change in relationships is taking place as everyone adjusts to the new reality of women being better educated and in some cases more preferred than men in the workforce.  Especially unsettling to some men is their role as second-best earner in the family.  As a recent Pew Research Center report documents, 22% of men with "some college" are now outearned by their wives, up from 4% in 1970.

The phenomenal growth of women-owned businesses has made headlines for three decades.  The total number of women-owned businesses doubled between 1992 and 2006, growing from 5.4 million to 10.4 million---and the number is growing at twice the national average for all businesses.   Women also have consistently have been launching new enterprises at twice the rate of men and their growth rates of employment and revenue have outpaced the economy. 

The wages of the typical woman who had a job during the worst recession in decades rose faster than those of the typical man, new data from the Bureau of Labor Statistics show.   Over the past two years, the wages of the median woman--at the statistical middle--rose 3.2% when adjusted for inflation.  Wages of the median man rose 2%.  Minority men were particularly hard hit, while minority women and highly educated women of all races did better.

This structural change in the balance of men and women in the workplace and at home is a thread that winds through a new book, "Be Real: Inspiring Stories for Leading at Home and Work," by Daniel G. Mulhern.  Mulhern says, "I'd venture that nothing is more important to us than our children, whether the "our" is the general "our" of community or the intense "our" of the young ones in our own families.  And that change is profoundly affecting the workplace of the home and the major "customers" in it--those kids.  Women are on the march in the outside world of work, but have we in our society begun to see the depth and expanse of these changes at home?"

The true career opportunities at home and work need to be the right fit in terms of our personal visions and goals.  Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis pointed out, "If you bungle raising your children, nothing else that you do matters much."  She spoke the truth and Mulhern expands upon this truth through real stories he and people he knows have experienced in recent years.

Our perceptions as to men's and women's ability to lead--either full-time at work or as the primary parent at home--is in a state of change.  Mulhern asks, "So whom do we men look up to as models of male parenting?"  He continues, "Of course, by definition such role models would be private.  But I wonder if many or any guys could name such models in their own worlds.  I suspect that we are at a critical beginning point, well behind the curve that women have climbed." 

 Daniel G Mulhern: Be Real: Inspiring Stories for Leading at Home and Work

Right Person-Right Approach=Right Results

Prior to the Internet, cell phone, immediate and universal access revolution, networking was largely accomplished one-to-one, with a view to establishing mutually beneficial and lasting relationships. 

What passes for social networking in the business world today has almost nothing to do with that.  Instead, it is increasingly about accumulating as many connections as possible via Twitter and LinkedIn and Facebook and similar social networking sites.   More people are spending more time texting and instant messaging and tweeting and linking their way through the day in the fond belief that all this effort enhances their ability to build social capital.

However, the Right Person-Right Approach method teaches you how to target your messages so that virtually every one of them communicates something important and meaningful--and goes to specific people in your network rather than being broadcast far and wide.

Approaching friends and business associates for help in achieving poorly articulated objectives and business goals is one of the main sources of unproductive networking.  When you ask someone to help you find something as general as "consulting opportunities," for instance, you're invariably going to get the business equivalent of a blank stare.  If you aren't specific enough, the people you network with won't know how to help you.

By articulating your specific objectives in a systematic way, you'll narrow them down.  Yet, the biggest problem you create for yourself is the tendency to be wary of narrowing down your objectives.  Why, like the unprepared salesman, do you consider taking a "shotgun approach?"   Because there is a deep fear that if you are too specific you will miss out on the world of opportunities, funding, clients or employees.

The Right Person-Right Approach method is about profiling potential contacts to determine who would be most likely to have exactly the right set of knowledge, relationships, personal characteristics, abilities and inclination to provide the information we are seeking.

After knowing who you are targeting, you will be able to design an approach to the contact that would virtually ensure a willingness to share what amounts to proprietary information.

Once you learn the Right Person-Right Approach method, you don't go back to your old ways that haven't worked well for you.  This new method is a reliable relationship-building road map for those seeking to achieve virtually any business or career goal.

Source:  Gordon S. Curtis: Well Connected: An Unconventional Approach to Building Genuine, Effective Business Relationships

Bad Leadership Spurs Entrepreneurship

by Scott Adams, in The Wall Street Journal, November 6, 2010

[After college], I got a job with a large bank. 

Though most of my immediate bosses were entirely reasonable and competent, the organization at large was riddled with hamster-brained sociopaths in leadership roles. Surely, I thought, this must be a problem that exists no place else on Earth.  Otherwise we'd all be living in caves and holding long meetings on the feasibility of using sticks as stabby things.

One day, a position opened above me, and I was the most obvious candidate to fill it.  My boss called me into her office and said she had some bad news.  She explained that the media was giving our company a lot of heat because almost all of our managers and executives were white males.  Promoting me, she explained, would only make things worse.  I asked how long I might need to wait for all of this to blow over.  My boss was vague, but she said the timeline involved smoothing out the effects of two centuries of corporate discrimination.

I decided to jump ship and go where my talent and hard work would be rewarded.  I took a job at the local phone company and soon discovered, to my horror, that banking was not the only industry in the world managed by hamster-brained sociopaths.  Once again, my immediate bosses were quite capable, but interacting with other departments was like being the last human in Zombieville and trying to buy groceries at dusk.  Still, it was marginally better than shoveling manure, so I doubled down.  I finished my MBA classes at night and distinguished myself as an up-and-comer.

One day my boss called me into his office and explained that the media was giving the phone company a lot of heat because almost all of the managers and executives were white males.  So, he explained, promoting me would only make things worse.  You might say that was the day that the "Dilbert" comic strip was born, although I had not yet drawn one. Let's call it a tipping point.  From that day on, I considered myself an entrepreneur.  All I had to do was figure out what business I was in.  The phone company was willing to pay for almost any sort of semi-relevant training or education that I was willing to endure.  It was like an accidental school for entrepreneurs.  From an economic viewpoint, I was in exactly the right place, with exactly the right amount of career discomfort.

I wasn't suffering alone.  Many of my co-workers already had active side businesses and ambitious expansion plans.

Our system requires a continuous supply of highly capable people who are so disgruntled with their jobs that they are willing to chew off their own arms to escape their bosses. The economy needs hamster-brained sociopaths in management to drive down the opportunity cost of entrepreneurship.  Luckily, we're blessed with an ample supply.

To put it in plainer terms: The primary purpose of management is to kill any hope that staying in your current job will work out for you. That sort of hope is like gravel in the engine of progress.  The economy needs workers who are fed up, desperate and willing to quit their jobs for something better.  Remember, only quitters can be winners, because you can't do something great until first you quit doing something that isn't.

Life is a Journey

You come alone; you depart alone; and in between you have companions, some of whom are with you for a short time, some for a long time, and some who keep flitting in and out at various intervals.

You will run into many "problems," during your journey, that you simply won't be able to solve.  You'll have to grow out of them and become bigger than the problems.

Your mental self talk is the prime culprit in leading you astray.  Once you recognize this, you can direct that chatter and make it your friend in your quest for your ideal job and life.

Your mental models can also blindside you.  The problem is not that you have mental models, it's that you don't recognize that you have mental models.  Every time you're stuck in some persistent, distasteful situation, you are using one or more mental models that are not serviing you well.  Here is a mental model that facilitates change.

Mindfulness is your vehicle for retaining your stability when you are hit by tidal waves.  Be aware that you're the actor, not the character.

You are always playing a role, whether or not you recognize it.  Shakespeare had it right: "All the world's a stage."  Play your role with gusto.  Don't relate to people based on the role they're playing.

The world you think you live in is a construct.  It's not the reality; it's a reality.  You can deconstruct parts of it that aren't working for you and construct an alternative reality.  You will do this many times in many different areas of your life.

You can't live a thoroughly fulfilling life if you live in a me-centered world.  That is just the way it is.  If you want to experience joy, you have to devote your energies to a cause that's bigger than your are.  More at: www.LawofLove.com

By all means, work toward a goal, but stop fretting about outcomes.  They're beyond your control anyway.  Invest in the process, not the outcome.

It's your job to be of service--this is a corollary to avoiding a me-centered existence.  Help for the sake of doing so, not to plant an obligation or bask in thanks. More at: www.LawofReciprocity.com

A terrific way to start is by having a default emotional attitude of appreciation and gratitude.  This can be cultivated and is far superior to being a whining complainer.

You can live a joyful, intensely fulfilling life.  In fact, you should resolutely settle for nothing less.  You have only one life--not a "personal" life and a "professional" life--and this should be hugely exhilarating.  Even tackling challenges should be fun.

Don't ever, ever, ever hand over the keys of your well-being and happiness to anyone.  You don't have to.

Source:  Srikumar Rao: Happiness at Work: Be Resilient, Motivated, and Successful - No Matter What