Powerless when it comes to crying.

We can alter the shapes of our bodies, slow the signs of aging and learn to control our heart rates.  Yet we're often powerless when it comes to crying.

Some new research efforts are helping to piece together the biological and cultural forces behind crying, showing that there are different types of tears as well as differences in the way men and women cry.  Science makes it plain that males and females are different from the moment of conception.  Men and women are not only markedly different in the hormones that drive them, but they are also different in the way they think.  The brains of men and women are actually wired differently.

Women are biologically wired to shed tears more than men. Under a microscope, cells of female tear glands look different than men's.  Also, the male tear duct is larger than the female's, so if a man and a woman both tear up, the woman's tears will spill onto her cheeks quicker.

Social conditioning comes into play in restraining the impulse to cry. When we experience physical pain or emotional sadness or frustration, the brain's amygdala, which is part of the limbic system or "emotional brain," fires up signals.  If the stimulus is great enough, the energy can travel from the emotional area into the frontal motor strip. That's when breathing can devolve into sobbing.

Boys often come up with mechanisms to calm themselves before they cross the precipice from tearing up to weeping.  Boys are taught over and over again not to cry.  Also, research indicates that testosterone helps raise the threshold between emotional stimulus and the shedding of tears.

Studying tears and the process of crying is complex. There are two types of tears. Irritant tears help wash eyes of dust, dirt and impurities.  Emotional tears are created and released in response to emotional stimulus and physical pain.  Much remains unknown.  Human beings are the only species that cries emotional tears, making it difficult to study the internal mechanics of tear glands.

Women

The female brain is wired differently.  Women process emotions in the same area of the brain that processes language.  So, it's easy for most women to talk about their emotions. 

Women in developed Western economies cry much more than men, and much more than women in societies where women have fewer rights.  When women cry at work, 58% cite work reasons.  Yet, 43% of women consider people who cry at work 'unstable.'  Women can pick up subtle signs of sadness in a male face 90% of the time.

Men

In men, the brain regions involved in talking are separate from the regions involved with feeling.  Knowing this, it's not hard to understand why men have such difficult hearing or expressing feelings.  Stress enhances learning in males.  The same stress factors impair learning in females.  47% of men consider people who cry at work 'unprofessional.'  Men pick up subtle signs of sadness in a female face only 40% of the time.  As men age, they cry more as their testosterone levels decrease.

Sources: The Wall Street Journal, May 4, 2011 and "When Doing It All Won't Do," a self-coaching guide for career women.

 Thomas Lewis, Fari Amini, Richard Lannon: A General Theory of Love
Leaders know and science has discovered emotionality's deeper purpose: the timeworn mechanisms of emotion allow two human beings to receive the contents of each other's minds.