The common cliché "the elephant in the room" simply means a problem that everyone is well aware of but the group has set up a conspiracy of silence because nobody is willing to deal with the issue.
Putting "ones head in the sand" is supposedly in place to protect those involved from taking action. This lack of action, whether out of fear, conflict avoidance or embarrassment, only aggravates the problem because everyone knows what is going on and the situation is impossible to ignore.
Beliefs such as "Some things are better left unsaid," "It's not my problem," or "I'm not going to rock the boat" only allow for deception to continue. Effective people do not allow these conditions to continue.
Ignoring the problem won't help. The issue must be addressed in a non-threatening atmosphere. Focus on the facts and the behavior, not on personality. Avoid blame or labeling the behavior. Stay away from using words such as always, never, or why. They put the hearer on the defensive.
The art of the question. Use probing or clarifying questions when addressing the issue. This helps the individual view their actions from the vantage point of others. Encourage an honest evaluation of performance linking past actions to future improvements.
Be supportive. Use a conversational tone rather than allowing yourself to sound upset. Focus on the future rather than the past. Get a commitment on what specific actions will be taken within an agreed upon time line. Follow up.
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